I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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