Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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