Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
