Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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