i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize