She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
