I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
