why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
