omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
