Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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