Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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