She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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