yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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