Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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