you guys were way drunker than both of me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
