i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
