escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You made out with two different species that night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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