Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
