why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
