a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
