Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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