I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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