...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
