Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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