Pappa wants mamma naked
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
