I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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