I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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