I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
