At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
