wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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