@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
