hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
