He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
