The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
