Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
