you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize