It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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