Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
