Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
