She tied me up with her honor cords...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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