I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
