kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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