I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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