dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize