Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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