So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
