if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
