before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
