and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
is that a dick in a sweater?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
