remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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