whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
