So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I smell stomach acid.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
