I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
