I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize