biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
