I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
