just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
