You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
