Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
