wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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