Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
