She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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