We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
