well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
