I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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