This house was built for laser tag.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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