I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
