I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
