i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
