make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
