I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
