I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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