hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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