what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
