ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
