Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
