all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
