We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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