Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
