How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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