i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
