no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
