The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
